Toast For The Right Occasion

Drunk guy: Here’s hoping you’re in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you’re dead.
Drunk girl: What’s that mean?
Drunk guy: It’s an Irish toast.
Drunk girl: Oh. Well, here’s to bread, eggs and cinnamon.
Drunk guy: Huh?
Drunk girl: That’s French toast

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!
--Old Irish toast

Eat thy bread with joy,
and drink thy wine with a merry heart.
-Ecclesiastes 9:10

I love to drink martinis.
Two at the very most.
Three I'm under the table.
Four I'm under the host!
--Dorothy Parker